After all the toxic relationships that I have experienced I still managed to find the man of my dreams and fall in love. A near impossible task I had once thought. For a long time it seemed that I would run away from every serious relationship that presented itself. The key I think... was one man's patience.
I had a five year long terrible and abusive relationship with an A-class narcissist. Controlling, possessive, and always demeaning. Verbally and emotionally abusive, never physical, but I was always afraid that day would come. It took everything I had to walk away. I had absolutely nothing. It was an incredible struggle to start over. Even now it is hard to look back on just how desolate my life had become. Yet, at the same time, I was free. Being cold and hungry was so much better than being abused.
Venturing out single again was terrifying. My self esteem, my confidence, my true sense of self was completely forgotten. I did manage to round up a date here or there. Turns out I was better looking and more of a catch than I had been lead to believe. Slowly but surely I regained some self esteem, but still always struggled with trusting someone.
I had some hard theories about men and relationships in those days. They made great friends but dating seemed to be the beginning of the end. The same year as my break up, I made such a friend. But unlike all the others, the friendship was constant. For a very long time (about five years long) it stayed just that. A friendship. Over time he became my very best friend. The one person in the world I could count on for anything. Knowing I was in love? Well everyone knew that that we were in love, but us.
I remember ending yet another too short romance, I had become a serial dater. My BFF still in the dating game himself, I had come to a point when the thought of something long term didn't really scare me anymore. I had to consider, what or who I was even looking for. I had a distinct exterior in mind. But what I wanted from someone I couldn't even begin to describe. I just knew what I didn't want. Any sense I had that someone was trying to control me was out like the trash. Kicked to the curb. Then I had a thought. I realized that no guy in his right mind would be okay with me having a guy for a best friend. That wouldn't be controlling just good sense. Then I thought, well I definitely knew that no woman would be okay with my BFF having me for a best friend either.
I realized to even consider having long time relationship would mean sacrificing the best relationship I ever had.... wait a sec.... and then I knew. I was in love. I would rather be single forever and keep my BFF then be with anyone else. No wonder no one ever struck me as "the one". He had been right at my side all along. Five long years of building our friendship day after day until finally there was none other to even consider.
My only fearful thought, was not knowing if he felt the same way. But looking back it was quite clear that it was we, not just I, that was in love. So how does one profess their true feelings?
His birthday was coming in a few months and I wanted to give him a gift that would surely reveal my feelings for him. I had always wanted to play the guitar so I took up guitar lessons and began to learn his favorite song. When his birthday came I told he would have to wait for his gift a little longer. Over my birthday and the forth of July we had a trip planned with friends to a small town in the woods with a big lake that congregates everyone between 21 and 30 within a 200 miles radius.
We watched fireworks off the dock and ventured back to the cabin we were staying in. It was probably around 2 AM I gave him my birthday cigar and told him to go light it up out on the deck. I came out with our friend's guitar and told him I was ready to give him his birthday present. So there we were on a warm July night, alone, under the stars in the woods, I played "landslide" on the guitar for him.
We were pretty much together from that day forward. By the following year we bought a house and got married. Seems reckless to get hitched after such a short dating period, especially after all I had been through. But I knew him, inside and out. In five years, he was constant never wavering from who he was. Five years of marriage later, he is still the guy I sat on that deck with.
Hoping you all have a wonderful Valentine's today, and if you are not dating, or seeing, or courting someone.... I suggest you spend it with your best friend.
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