Tea & Poetry Book Club: Nina C. Palmer Takes a Journey Through The Trees

I don't know that I will ever grow accustomed to the praise I have received in the last year. Whether that praise be from family and friends, or complete strangers that took the time to look into what I have accomplished. I don't think that I want to either. There is a sense of humbleness that comes with doing something so vulnerable and displaying it for others to see and judge.

I can only say that I feel incredibly blessed to have received the support that I have thus far. Not that every attempt to reach out has been accepted. Plenty of poetry journals have rejected my submissions. I tell myself, that I haven't tried them all, that my voice, my work will find a home. Discouraging as it may be, it is days like today that take me just a little further into optimism.

Tea & Poetry Book Club is a great book club, composed of amazingly wonderful people. I feel very blessed today that they have featured my book on their Facebook, Twitter, and blog. When you take a chance on someone you give them hope. Today I have hope that my words will reach just a little further and hopefully speak to someone who needs to hear those words. I do not seek fame or fortune, only to have cleansed my soul of the torment I had carried with me throughout my life. Now that I have, I feel I know the way, the path that leads to the light. My hope is that Through The Trees guides others to the happiness that they deserve.

Special thanks to Tea & Poetry Book Club for an amazing feature of my book. You have humbled me with your kind words and I am forever grateful. Thank you.
Tea & Poetry Book Club: Nina C. Palmer Takes a Journey Through The Trees

To write about our journey or my journey?

So the month has begun and I have been trying to write a little something every day. I figure at some point (hopefully, this week) I will begin a rhythm with writing my next book. I look at my next book in two different ways, which may be the culprit for my writer's block. Reaching The Castle Wall is about the journey to finding true love.

On one hand, I can write about efforts I made to find prince charming, all the frogs I had to kiss. I do want to have some diversity in its content. I do not just want it to be love poems. I have found stirring up the heartache of the past to be rather difficult. I am in a very happy place and just can't seem to connect to those old feelings. I figure I can use actual fairy tales as a means to at least focus on empathizing with that heartache.

On the other hand, I could write about what happened when I found my prince charming, and our journey. He started as just a friend, and stayed just a friend (albeit, my very best friend) for about six years. Once we decided to be more, or more so, admitted we were in love, things moved very quickly after that. We figured dating was for people who didn't know each other and wanted to be sure they were right for each other. We already knew each other so very well. We had no doubt. A month later we bought a house together and about four months after that we were married. This June will be year five.

So I have a choice to make. I can either focus on writing about our journey, or I can dig into the past and write about my journey. In the meantime, I am composing a list of writing prompts. This book is to be based and inspired by actual fairy tales. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, etc.... I won't write so much about the story of Rapunzel (for example) but perhaps how I relate to Rapunzel. I will reference a tall tower or a long braid, almost just hinting at who inspired the poem. Also, some of the keywords will simply be from that era kings, queens, crowns, dragons, moat, swords and armor.

I am open to suggestions if anyone has a favorite fairy tale or references I should consider (poison apple, glass slipper, golden thread, etc...) I am sure there are a number of words I am not even thinking of.

Like the oil painting above? There are a few more here, I got it from this site: http://www.buzzfeed.com/samimain/gorgeous-disney-ladies-as-if-they-were-oil-portraits#2qpit42

I am going to do a slam :[

Well, it's official. I have signed up on nanowrimo.org with intent of writing quite a bit next month. Does poetry count for a month designated to novel writing? Probably not, but I think a goal of heavy writing all month is a good idea. It will be refreshing to really get into my current book. I gave myself a deadline for finishing. It has to be ready and published by Valentine's Day 2016. That gives me well over a year, to write, have it edited, some illustrations, and publish. I am excited to see what I come up with this time. Most days, I agree with the quote above. Everyone's poetry is so different from mine. I suppose we are all very different and it just seems like I stand out because it is my own writing.

At the co-book signing I shared the audience with two other writers. We all had a common thread in our writing but were all incredibly different in how we wrote and spoke. I know I haven't followed up on how my first signing went, that is simply because I didn't want to think about it till now. The truth is it was absolutely terrifying. I got myself so worked up with nerves, I am surprised I even got through it. I shook like a leaf, I had a hard time looking up at everyone. It was awful.

On the other hand, I had such support from my family. Sometimes putting yourself out there can really surprise you. They really came through for me.  I think my main issue wasn't just sitting in front of others and reading, it was the intro I had prepared. For the first time ever, I spoke openly about my childhood, about the verbal and emotional abuse I endured and recovered from. I didn't think that would be as difficult as it was. I wonder if there will always be a sense of shame that accompanies that history, or if I will ever truly just accept its happening and be able to speak about it as if I wasn't speaking about myself.... perhaps that is the key to future readings. Pretend I am talking about someone other than myself, but then what would happen to the emotion in the words I am reading?

I guess we will find out. I have decided that I will do a poetry slam in the next month. Listening to the other poet/author, who is a veteran when it comes to slams, I feel I have now an idea of the style and tempo that would be suited for such an event. I thought to myself as I listened to her, "I need something far more gritty than flowers and trees." I have had a little something I thought would be appropriate for a slam and after listening to her I think it will suit very well.

I look forward to your feedback....

It's titled "Triggered"

I doubt myself now

Seems my way is truly lost

For so long you told me who I was

And who I am to be today

I live in this doubt

I question everything I say and do

Nothing is without rhyme or reason

So few are moments of self acceptance

Who is this person you made me to be?

Tell Me! What did you want for me?

Was it truly just to serve you?

Indentured to your every need

Floundering without your voice

Slumped without your backbone

Is this really what you want for me?

To only live as you say

What mother wants this for her child?

What Queen births slaves?

The whip cracked along my back

And scars that still remain

My finger is always on the trigger

It seeks only you and I find you

In every person I meet

And they become my victim

I love them never as you did me

A true love as it is supposed to be

And yet I anticipate that you

Will come creeping out of their mouths

And I am always ready for you

With my finger on the trigger

And then it occurs-it happens

The moment when I think I see you

In an expression or a phrase

I hear your voice. I pull the trigger

…… And shot the one I love

He looks at me in shock

He is appalled that I could do such a thing

He is betrayed

And no longer knows me

I don’t see you now

Your face could not hold such hurt

As one who truly loved me

I only see the pain I caused the one I love

He was never you

Your voice, your way

Never came from him at all

It came from me

I aim with my finger on the trigger.

Do you judge a book by its cover?

I know we are told not to, but don't we? I certainly do. I glance at all kinds of books and the one I want appeals visually first. I am not sure we can help it. So I went to my publishing site and looked as some templates for covers. Here are two more covers with a little more professionalism to them. Your input really matters to me. To me they both look pretty, but I don't know which one a person would pick up and say "I gotta read this!"

What should my new cover be?

I am working on the cover of my next book Reaching The Castle Wall. A composition of poetry about the love and heartache we enduring trying to find true love. The poetry will make references to well known fairy tales and also just have a flair for fairy tale times like dragons, knights, maidens, and mystical kingdoms. Very excited to start, already have a few under my belt. Working on the cover just makes it start becoming real and inspires me to really get at it. I have found a couple of images I like, but really can't decide. I don't want it to be to busy, but at the same time eye catching and alluring. Which would you just have to pick up? The top one? Or the bottom one?

Through The Trees Book Trailer

With a little time and effort my book trailer for Through The Trees is finally here. This is a big difference from the poem videos I did. A little research and practice can lead to great things! I am super pleased and I hope everyone likes it!!!

Preparing for Book Signing

I've been thinking lately about my first public book signing coming up next week. I don't know how I missed that I am going to have to speak and read out loud from my book. I pictured myself at a table just handing out my masterpiece. (Wait? It doesn't work that way?)

So I have been think about how I can sum up in a few minutes how my book came to be. What better place to practice then here on my blog. That is what they are for right? So I am going to tell you a story....

I have had toxic relationships in my life since childhood. I grew up with a toxic parent that was emotionally, verbal, and sometimes even physically abusive. The thing about abuse when I was young was that I didn't know what abuse was. I just thought I must be a really bad kid. Even into adulthood the light bulb hadn't gone off yet. What I did know is that I wanted to leave home as soon as possible. Sadly, it wasn't the end of my experience with toxic relationships as one tend to seek what is familiar. It wasn't until my mid twenties that I became aware. Aware of abuse, aware of how I drew it to myself, aware that I could make a change.

It took sometime to start over and build new and healthy relationships. Slowly, but surely I did. Still I would have moments of self doubt, especially when I became pregnant with my son. I was terrified of the parent I would be. Most people think its funny when they repeat something their mother used to say like, "Because I said so" But I was afraid of this happening. My child deserved to have a happy mother, one that was healthy, not only, in body, but also heart and soul.

I realized that I was still harboring a lot of hurt and resentment. I had told myself to let go many times, but never actually did. Because it is not that simple. I wrote when I was younger. It was a way for me to express myself without punishment for speaking my voice. Poetry was like writing in code. I decided that expressing myself is exactly what I need to do to let go for real this time.

So I embarked on a journey. I decided to write out the five stages of grief as it applied to my past relationships. To say and feel everything that I need to say and feel in order to really put it to rest. My theory was that I hadn't allowed myself a process that is natural to our ability to be happy.

We hold onto anger because it masquerades as strength. It has its purpose, it makes us take action, but hold onto it too long and it will turn bitter. Depression, sadness, is NOT weakness. It is apart of the process that allows us to heal. This is what I committed to. I admitted to the times I was in denial, I got mad and let myself move on to sadness. I grieved, not the loss of a person, but of the relationship I hoped and needed it to be. I embraced acceptance. After fifteen poems of telling myself to let it go, I believe I have.

Publishing my work was an equal part of this process. I am taking a stand against abuse. I am shedding myself of the guilt that comes with it. I am speaking out in hope that others will follow. My book is so that you to can heal. That you can know that you are not alone. This is not a step by step that tells you what to do. It is an emotional escort that walks you through a journey that, I hope, can change your life.

Time for some real blogging

Well, I am pretty sure I have promoted myself here enough. Or perhaps it is never done. Today I just feeling like talking. Still about authoring a book, but really, just an honest moment over the entire experience.

If anyone is listening I hope it reaches someone in similar shoes so you may feel like you are not the only one to endure the promotional aspects of writing a book. I have to admit, I did think this would be a lot easier and a lot less work! I thought writing the book itself was the hard part. And it was I put so much into it. Really commit to each stage of grief, feeling everything.

So here I am self published. I didn't even know that it was an undesirable trait for a book. All I really know is that Idaho has nothing for literary agents and publishers. Perhaps, I should switch gears and becoming a literary agent. There is certainly a demand in my area. Geesh! And as far as self published authors go, I didn't realize what a giant pool I was jumping into. I am one small fish with my little poetry book.

Ideas of grandeur are certainly coming into reality. Partly I know that this is just impatience. I have taken steps and now I know I just need to wait. Not really in my DNA. Next month my book will be reviewed by our local paper, OK that's good. And also next month I have a co-book signing, also good. But both are local. I know that is good, but I had ideas of great. Build Facebook and Twitter and followers here on this blog, you know, like "if you build it they will come" OK that dates me a bit. But you get the idea. Field of Dreams said that I think before the internet. It more like if you build it a million other people already have. OK so I am having a moment of pessimism. Sue me.

So I am telling myself a new mantra today. I love mantras, they do work I think. I am telling myself "Great things happen to me everyday" And now, I am waiting again. Tick, tock, something great, are you out there? I'm ready.

I contacted a Ebook guru courtesy of my local Author Association I joined, very helpful people. Hopefully here very soon my kindle version will be improved. I intend on using Smashwords, but everything I have tried with this Ebook is an epic fail. Ebook formatting is not for the faint of heart. When it is done my book will be on kindle, nook, and a lot of others. In the meantime, I will sit patiently and wait for my book review and book signing. I have sent out a few emails to literary agents that are no where near Idaho in an attempt to reach out and get help with this monster I created. No bites yet.

On the plus side, I added a few very nice reviews from Amazon. Seems my book is not completely hidden in the haystack of other books.

OK venting is over and that feels much better. I hope someone relates. Or maybe has survived this phase and has wonderful words of encouragement!

The Sun and The Vine by Nina C. Palmer

The Raining by Nina C Palmer

Hyde Park Bookstore Co-Book Signing Event

On Saturday, October 18th from 7PM to 9PM Hyde Park Book Store will be hosting a three author event.

This quaint little book store is nestled in the heart of Boise's North End in Hyde Park at 1507 N. 13th St. Looking forward to meeting everyone and I am honored to sign a book for you!

Local authors to be at signing:

Nina C. Palmer, author of Through the Trees
Samantha Jean Whitaker, author of Bomb Shelters and Butterflies
Mara Hargroder, author of Letters I'd Wished I'd Found

Check out all three books on their website www.hydeparkbooks.net. The best part is, if you order online, books are only $1 to ship!